go do what you do best...puke behind churches
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
