3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
