just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
