dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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