i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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