I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i love accidental penises.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
