Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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