I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
