Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
