Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
