did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
