she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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