so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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