im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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