i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
