Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
