I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
