when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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