Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
