Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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