Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
