I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
