non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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