I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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