So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
