at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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