Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
