I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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