i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
