I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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