Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
