u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
