How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
