whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
