there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
