what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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