Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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