he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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