So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
