I can text with my tongue
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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