youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
