Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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