i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
