Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
