oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
