Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
