am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
