Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
