I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
