I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
