so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
