I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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