You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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